Common Core...... I'm going to go there!

Now, I have held off on this topic for a variety of diplomatic reasons, but let me say this. Common Core IS NOT the devil. The actual standards are reasonable. I took an entire Graduate School Class on Standards Based Education and Common Core. With that said, prior to Common Core New Jersey HAD its own STANDARDS  for every public school called. NJCCS.  So, let me discuss further.

Standards Based Education is the "Standard" (Standardized) list of what kids should know and be able to do in each grade. Which means that a child in Kindergarten should know their letters and letter sounds. A child in 6th grade should be able to use clues from the text to determine word meaning. This is not inherently a bad idea.

Standards based education came about when people decided that a child's zip code largely determined their academic success. Children from "better" and more affluent areas have more resources and seem to do better on everything from standardized exams to actual grades. Children from less affluent areas, rural and otherwise urban or city areas perform less on these exams. This disparity got many people thinking it was "WHAT" was being taught that was different. They thought well over here, they teach DIFFERENT skills, or in such town or state. So they came up with the idea that the entire United Stated needed to get on (THE SAME PAGE) as to what we are teaching our children, and as to when. A second grader in California shouldn't be learning long division, when a second grader in New Jersey has just started Multiplication. They also felt that with the rise of technology and creating 21st century learners living in a global society we could not send our kids to "work and compete" with other children who were far advanced than they were in "what" they were taught. So the standards call for more "rigorous" work. In ELA students need to read a lot more nonfiction, be able to cite answers with text evidence(Answer the question, but tell where they got their answer), and each year be able to elevate in text complexity. I don't think that is realistic for many children until a much older age (HS). I think the whole "College and Career Ready" slogan goes too far when we want 3rd grades immersed in nonfiction text.  In 4th grade I didn't read nonfiction AT ALL. It wasn't until 13-14 was I even remotely interested in nonfiction.  I seemingly still ended up able to read nonfiction in college, and was placed in Advanced Placement in HS,  and as an adult that is all I read practically. We can't decide that shoving "Career and College" down everybody's throat s beneficial at 6 years old, the fact is that while we need to educate our kids for the future, they are KIDS.

   You can watch this short video for more detail.

https://www.teachingchannel.org/videos/common-core-standards-ela

"The CC standards are organized in an intoxicatingly simple, linear fashion that acknowledges that the work of a first grade teacher contributes to the growth of a tenth grade student. This connectedness between grade levels is a welcome departure from some previous state standards that jumped from topic to topic, addressing a particular skill one year, dropping it the next, and returning to it later on or not at all.  Because the content and assessments will be the same from state to state, a unified system of measure can be used to compare student growth from one part of the country to another. And states will be able to compete for Federal money, but that’s another topic.

The standards address the fact that literacy demands in college, the workplace, and life in general are getting higher, not lower, and to thrive in an information-rich, digital global age, we need a highly literate population."

This idea of a "uniform" education in skills and concepts is not a bad one, what IS bad is how it has been implemented and the many "forgets" that are not realistic. We forget children do not think abstractly for a while, we forget children love fiction stories and that a whole different set of skills is needed to attack nonfiction text. We forget that making content more "rigorous" is making kids who loved it hate it all together, and those who may have done poorly now just don't even attempt it.  All of this is ironic because the literacy standards were developed upon the developmental literacy stages of a child. This is more like crawling and walking. (we know most children crawl between 6-9 months). Well within literacy we know children begin scribbling and thinking they are writing words from 3-5 years. We know children typically begin kid writing (misspelling) words that they are writing because they know letter sounds.  There is a Foundation, Early Emergent, Emergent Stage, Developmental... Fluent Stage.. etc. These stages discuss the behaviors and abilities of typical children, and the standards were matched off them.  Sounds legit, and it is. Here is an example of a literacy standard for my class.
 CCSS.ELA-Literacy.RL.6.2
Determine a theme or central idea of a text and how it is conveyed through particular details; provide a summary of the text distinct from personal opinions or judgments.

Due to the fact kids are typically  fluent readers by 6th grade it does make sense they should be able to figure out the theme (moral message) of a text and provide a summary of the text without their own opinion, just a simple recount of it.

"Like anything else, how the CC Standards are implemented will make all the difference. The authors are very clear: CCSS does not include information about how teachers should teach. From this, I infer that they understand the complexity of teaching and learning. I suspect they know that binders of ready-made packaged programs and curriculum are worthless without a high quality teacher who’s given the opportunity, respect, and support to design learning for his or her students.

It’s this clear message that makes classroom teachers so vulnerable. We don’t know how, exactly, CCSS will be implemented at the state, district, and school levels. Will teachers get to design new units of study? Will they be offered an opportunity to collaborate around the idea of what these standards mean for their students? Will they have a chance to reflect on student progress, to refine their practice, and make meaningful instructional decisions? To believe in something, you have to own it.

If teachers don’t own it, the full potential of CCSS will get lost in the bureaucratic minefield of our public schools. My hope is that the implementation of CCSS will pair with empowering the most influential person in the classroom: the teacher.

  I put that in to say.. Common Core has been adopted by States due to federal bribery money. Moreover, they dropped it off with no direction. No workshops, nothing. Teachers began using Common Core (for me 2011) without any real idea as to "how" just all I had was a "what" this in many cases is GOOD. Except many districts already had an idea how they wanted to utilize it, which program they are buying, and what books or materials you will utilize to teach it.

I mean that takes away the freedom to teach the standards in the way that best personalizes them for the learner, the other problem is that because we are rolling out with a new Standardized Test called PARCC, we don't really "know" all the ins and outs despite the few test sample questions they have on their website for subject areas. Once they changed the standards, they had to change the Assessment.

I personally feel as though the Ed reform movement is about politics and money. Due to the fact the federal education department dumped off new standards on almost 45 states (which may be more now), there has been a NEED for educational consultants, educational technology,  new educational textbooks, programs, new assessments, more computers to take PARCC (because it is a computer based test).. you name it. Everything MUST GO, out with the old in with the new, except we keep forgetting that  it wasn't so much WHAT was taught that was creating an achievement gap or inequality in education. It was really the lack of resources and support in various areas that led to a academic failure.  Now that we are all on (One page), why haven't the scores suddenly shot up? I understand change doesn't happen in just 3 years but there should be SOME growth if it was the WHAT was taught, not the HOW.  All I see are states cashing in, educational companies like Pearson cashing in, politicians cashing in, schools buying more technology to keep up; but when it comes to student failure that's  Teachers and Students are losing out. Also, as I said before... HOW the standards contribute to Ed reform and how they are utilized has been another big problem.  A Teacher who teaches in the worst district still faces the resource gap, and what are we doing to fix that? There is not a silver bullet fix to American Education, there needs to be a comprehensive overhaul.  The inconsistency we have now is apparent in not WHAT we teach, but how we teach it and some districts don't even have the technology so all their students can take PARCC. I am not sure how that all adds up to "fixing" anything, sounds like in effort to fix one thing we opened up a box of  ooopppsssss now we have other problems..........   What do you think attribute to the achievement gap? Is it WHAT is taught? Is it lack of resources?  If you ask me, its how we teach and how we test. In many private and affluent public schools kids learn for the sake of learning, and by way they are engaged and interested. They automatically become critical thinkers because it was as if they had the "key" or "seed" placed and as time progresses, it happened naturally. All too often we look for the silver bullet instead of looking at teaching and learning in an authentic manner. If you do what is right, the knowledge will come ANYWAY.  Utilizing real world application and performance based assessments.  We have to stop differentiating all year long in instruction, only to administer an exam that decides who my kids are and what type of teacher I am that is administered to everyone. When will we start personalizing education in assessments the same we do in our lessons? It is rather ass backwards to me.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/wp/2014/09/23/colorado-teacher-i-refuse-to-administer-the-parcc-common-core-test-to-my-students/

Career before kids, kids before a Career, Career after kids, or Career while having kids?!

Recently, as my son's 9th birthday passed I reflected on all of our times together. I must say I always think I was so blessed to have him at the time I did in my life. I say that because I had no "stressful" "demanding" job to do besides finish college and tend to him. I was fortunate enough where I had a car that was only 4 years old and paid off when he was born. I also worked nights and weekends which meant when he was sleeping  my mom, his dad, or paternal grand mom could babysit. In short, I AM so thankful I was able to build UP to my career and actually have the time to be with my son during the weeks and days taking walks to the park, lazy mornings watching Diego, Backyardigans, and Yo Gabba Gabba!  I look back at that time in my life and I truly realize how precious those moments were not just with him but with my daughter as well.  However, I am equally as thankful for having a Career while having kids. I mean, if there is anything like boosting your self esteem and morale it is putting on career clothes, sitting in meetings, and wrangling kids before and after work. I think the hardest part for me having Dominic was figuring out how to do the little baby thing with older kids and working a job that requires an extreme amount of mental and physical stamina.  I remember in my early 20's my friend who also has kids would often say imagine how lucky we are WE GOT THIS OUT THE WAY, by the time we are in our 30's we will be smooth sailing.  It is true, to some degree most of my peers will be faced with building a career and then either leaving or juggling motherhood and career. I mean who honestly wants to walk away from the "height" of their career? Just when it starts to get good, just when you have your holidays, pension, paid vacations, paid personal time off, and established yourself. Do you really walk away from that?
 I fall into the latter of Career while having kids with my third, and I have to say it isn't as bad as I thought!  It's been more rewarding than stressful.

 In a way I do feel that  having children before having a "real career" allowed me to take the time to figure this mommy thing out. I wasn't rushed and saddled back to a demanding or dead end job. My responsibilities were to get the mommy thing right, keep the apartment in order, and look for a job while I tutored and substitute taught at my leisure. Luckily I found a tutoring gig that was well paid for a short amount of hours.

 In that same breath I feel so guilty because although I have little Dominic now, working part time nights or staying home wouldn't even be something I (GASP) WANT to Do. I find that when I say that to people, and I mean it.. they think I am some bad mother or just a loon. Now I love my child, all of them equally. I just feel  at this very moment in my life I am climbing the stairs and who wants to just come down and have a seat? That really wouldn't benefit ANY of us. Not now, not later.
 I have so many visions for my life, and the things that are personally fulfilling to me; that I can't imagine me doing what I did with Caleb right now, or even years from now.  Looking back I am so glad I did, but that doesn't fit *me* now.  I can't explain it, or why because that's just not *me*.  In most cases I feel I have to apologize for it not being me. Sometimes, I feel like Dominic will get a watered down version of the me that was kids before a career. The me that had 3 days to work at night and all day to hang out and relax.  I recall even recently when I was home in the summer I was starting to lose my mind, there was nothing outside of domesticity and shopping. I need more mental stimulation than that. The most intellectual conversation I was having was with my 9 year old! While he is very smart, towards the end I was making PowerPoints and, reading countless emails about "school". I was ready to get back to it.  I can honestly say I LOVE WHAT I DO. Sometimes I wish it was all (easier), but I don't know what I would do if it wasn't in the realm of education. It is a passion. Some say it is a mission. I call this the CURSE of a progressive 21st century woman.  I am passionate about what I do, read about it constantly, revolve my world around being an educator. It really is a lifestyle. I try to improve and make strides, so that I can eventually see my vision come to fruition. Yes, while each morning is a task to get out the house with 3 kids, it is a marathon I sign up for. Every passing day I see, feel, and sense my own power and potential as a mother, teacher, and even spouse.  So when I look back over the last 9 years as a mother, I can't say which choice would be "better", or which choice I liked more. It's a tie for me, because I think it depends where you are in your own life and mind. When I am 40 I may have a different outlook. As for now I am here living my dream as a mother and a teacher, and it feels good. It feels REALLY good.

Well there's one thing the world doesn't need

Teacher Burn Out, well then just call me toast.

I truly have been battling with going back to work. I was even going to write about how teacher burn out is real, but then my fears just took over and I thought that was not a great idea to blog about. It just serves as how people perceive teachers as lazy bums over the summer. However, writing is meant to be real. The moment you stop being real, is when you might as well give up any idea as being authentic. This is honestly the very first summer I would rather hide in a dark closet than even think of the start of school. I have tried sorting out my feelings with friends, my fiancée, anybody who would listen. Was it the baby? Is it the EVER evolving NEW laws and changes being taken in education? Is it the fear of failure?  Whatever IT is, I was just feeling "meh" about the whole start over for 2014.

I've come to the idea it could be a combination of ALL of those things that have left me feeling exhausted. I am just exhausted. Have you ever run a marathon and at the end you did not receive any water? I mean forget the trophy, forget the post marathon pictures. All you want is some water and to relax. If I could paint the picture I could say that not only did I not get my water or relaxation but I have to run another marathon in three weeks and I don't know the course, how long, or the distance I must go.  I will say there is a bit of exhaustion coupled with fear of the unknown.

However, today as I was laying in bed enjoying the last few minutes of silence before the kids woke up. I was posting about how I am usually the goofy goon teacher who sets up her class terribly early, and has so much zest and zeal that it makes people just look at me as if I had 10 heads. Last year, I was 9 months pregnant setting up a room I wouldn't even be in for 3 weeks. I was there with my enlisted help (fiancée and friend) and I was walking along the furniture 35 weeks pregnant and standing on chairs so that my room could be perfect.  Indeed I had lost my mind in my Back to School/Work stuff.  So here I was in bed imagining me walking into work the first day with my coffee and sunglasses on so people could not see me lamenting my summer gone too soon. #Summertimesadness right? 

That was until I came across multiple posts of Robin Williams, and subsequent posts regarding people being outwardly mean. One even saying something along the lines of  "If he didn't care about his life, why should they?"  I almost fell out of bed. There are humans who think like this? This is a joke right? Where is the compassion, empathy, love for your fellow man? I personally know so many people who have taken their own life, and it broke my heart on so many levels. We as humans can not think like this.  It brought me back to one thing I read from another teacher my first year teaching. He had a sign that said "You cannot expect me to expect more from you than you expect from yourself."  At that time, I didn't make much of a thought to it. It was not until later that year that I received letters of thanks from my students. I will never ever forget this one letter that I kept a copy of and it was a testimony of how much life and energy I brought into the classroom. This young woman said that not only was my class her favorite, but she hated the subject. She went on to tell how I cared so much about the topic and the kids, that I did so much more than what THEY expected of themselves that it MADE her turn around, and actually want to be involved, engaged, and learning. I was flattered, I thought I was just doing my job. No, doing my job would be to just teach the curriculum. However, I taught the curriculum, I sought outside sources for funding for books, I sought programs, I taught Saturday school, I had pizza parties, I connected with them in my own stories and life, I told them how to do sock buns, I told them where I got my love of English Literature from, and you know what I did from all of that? I made a difference. You see, I did not just teach them the curriculum. I taught them how to be a GOOD human being. I taught them what it is like to care more for someone than they do themselves. See, all of that in a few short months. When that female student left my class, she was a "C" student.  When she entered she was a previous years FAILURE. Yes, she was taking that class two years in a row. See, the fact is when I read that comment about not caring for someone who didn't care enough about themselves. I whole heartedly disagree, because I am in the business of caring about kids and people who care nothing about themselves, their future, or maybe they haven't realized their potential.

You see I am an educator. My job just doesn't start and end at the curriculum and the data from the benchmarks. It isn't about the science of how to get kids to pass tests. That sounds terrible, but I care more about if my students end up being murderers than if they can score a 100% on a benchmark. I do want them to be intelligent, and able to navigate the world successfully. I want them to construct their own knowledge though through their academic experiences in my class.  I chose this job because I wanted to share my love of literature with everyone, but it more so ended up to be sharing my love for humanity. In literature we glimpse into so many worlds, characters, ideas, and emotions. I want to show kids how valuable it is to comprehend and be able to articulate them, but when you are around kids everyday what do you think they need equally?  Yes, character education! I might argue that within the institution, proper character education separates the achievers from the non achievers.  So here it is:

 I am here to give you character education, I am here to make you say sorry, I am here to make you say please, I am here to make you say excuse me, I am here to make you listen to your fellow classmates, I am here to reinforce respect for all,  I am here to teach you empathy, I am here to make you understand diversity, I am here to make you understand that people all over the world are all different and they are all worthy of love, I am here to build a community of learners, I am here to make you realize that education is not about what others think and memorizing facts but learning to use your brain and ultimately think for yourself, I am here to help you even if you won't help yourself, I am here to help you succeed, I am here to watch you fail,  I am here to make you try again, and again until you get it right, I am here to display commitment, I am here to showcase tenacity, I am here to be a human you can trust,  I am here to be patient when you lash out, I am here to work tirelessly so you won't limit your potential,  I will wake your passion alive, I will drown you in hope, and I will make you at the very least realize that beyond these four walls of my class lies a world full of people waiting to be mean, hurt, or minimize someone else. Don't join in the crowd and be that person.  The world doesn't need more people like that, the world needs more people like what I am trying to teach here.

The world needs more people who are kind, loving, giving, compassionate, who can help someone realize their potential even if the person has yet to realize it. 

Bottom line: The world needs more people who aren't willing to give up!

That my friends... that's exactly what I am NOT doing. I am not giving up, I have work to do. I can not let an entire group of humans grow up and pass through middle school without having someone to teach them a little more than curriculum. So with that said... I was instantly motivated aka cured from my burn out. I will be sad in September when I go back to work and miss my own kids. As well as all the books I didn't get to finish reading, I don't think I will ever finish reading my list! However I know that this life I live is full of purpose. I am not in the business of just making money, I'm making an impact on the world in small ways. When I look back on the letters, cards, posters, tweets from students to me it serves as a way to know that kids never forget how you made them *feel*.

Let's face it the world is a sick, sad, cruel place. So my classroom "motto" for this year is social media inspired theme.... #Ihaveworktodo . My class décor will be from twitter, FB, and Pinterest like ideas, posters, etc. True "pinned" ideas on bulletin boards. Facebook inspired "What's on your mind?" journal entries to be hung up around the library much like "wall paper".      I can not let more humans go out into the world uneducated, but moreover simply grow up thinking it is okay to disregard and not care for their fellow man, despite the circumstances.

I'll be back in that classroom  with a googly grin with all my Pinterest inspired classroom décor  making sure it is "relevant" and just right for the 60+ kids I will have for the 2014-2015 school year. I'm enough of a realist to know that I won't win every child over, but I am enough of an optimist to try.

I'm still "old" so in the words of Diddy "Let's Work".   I'm ready, Let's Go!
#BacktoSchool2014    

10 years ago today...........

I was sitting in a hospital bed. At that point, I was filled with more confusion than clarity and more disbelief than reality. I had doctors coming in and out talking to me, nurses, friends, family and everything sounded like a dull drowned out noise.  The pieces to recount this moment in time are similar to putting together a jig saw puzzle. However, what isn't fuzzy or disconnected are the emotions. After all this time the emotions still feel the same. They are just as strong, as that one tragic day. What is stronger though is me.

I went to a routine doctor appointment 26 weeks pregnant and I was laughing and chatting it up in the waiting room with one of my friends before I was called back. The doctor came in and did the usual. Weight, urine, measure your belly, and lastly fetal heart rate check. After fumbling around for over 10 minutes, she replied " I can't pick up any heart tones." "I will be right back let me get an ultrasound machine." It probably took her maybe 3 minutes, but it felt more like 30 minutes. She set up the machine and placed the probe down screen away from me. The doctor moved the probe to 5 different spots, and finally looked up at me with the saddest face I had ever laid my own eyes on. She slowly turned the screen around and said, "I'm sorry, your baby has no heartbeat." No heartbeat? What? I kept staring at the screen, looking perplexed.
There was a perfect profile of a baby on the ultrasound screen. My thoughts were going a mile a minute.  I was thinking did I not feel him move? I swore I did. Didn't I just eat ice cream? Wasn't he just moving? He is due in less than 2 months, what do you mean no heartbeat?  I slowly got up off the table and called my mom and Chris.  I was told to go home, rest, and come to the hospital in the morning for an induction. I drove home in a somewhat disillusioned state. The only thing I kept thinking was that this was all wrong.  I was packing and getting ready for tomorrow at the hospital. I was still walking around very pregnant and in my head; I kept saying he's alive, I will deliver him and he will be alive.  Medical Miracles happen all the time right? This was a case of a misdiagnosis.

The night went by fast, and next thing I knew I was being admitted to labor and delivery. The doctor told me about the induction and how he would give me Pitocin and Cervidil. I was surrounded by family. My friends Melissa and Lauren, whom to this day are so strong for sticking by my side in that hospital room. They helped me use the bathroom, took pictures, and talked to me even when I don't know what I could talk about. Chris was there the entire time, but very quiet and reserved. My Mom was there, and my sister visited me that evening. I really was in pain once the contractions started and I was in and out of it for the entire night. They finally gave me pain meds that made me hallucinate and my friends tell me I kept saying that Celebrities were in the room.

Suddenly, I awoke and then the next thing I knew I sat up straight as a board. I began to scream for a nurse, who came in and called the doctor. They kept telling me not to push yet. I was so unsure of what was happening. I was thinking, is this it? Will he come out finally?  In a huge burst of pressure before the doctor could even get prepare, my water broke and I delivered this tiny baby at 6:37am. I was speechless. I was shocked and amazed. I honestly can only remember bits and pieces of this point.  I laid back in relief that he was here,  but suddenly I heard screams out in the hallway, horror screams. These screams were from Chris (My Ex). 

I just laid there, empty. I wasn't crying though. I don't remember crying at the hospital at all. I mean I may have silently, but I don't recall. If anything I felt just like any other mother who delivered a baby did physically, emotionally, and mentally. The nurse cleaned him up, and dressed him, she handed him to me and I held him. I held his hand. I touched his head full of jet black straight hair. I even wiped his nose (fluid was still dripping from the water bag he was in). I smelled him, and would you believe I will never ever forget that smell. I put his Outfit in a Ziplock bag and smelled his outfit for days, months, and years after just because it smelled like him.  I spent time with him. We named him Christopher Gabriel because originally when we found out he was a boy we had already named him Christopher (after his father). I didn't want to just change it because he was born, but not alive. That felt wrong. For the last 2 months we had known him to be Christopher, and that is who he would always be to me. My most cherished memory are the pictures I took of the emotional journey. I am so glad the nurses encouraged and treated this just like a regular birth. I love those pictures, no matter how tragic. That was my first born, my first delivery, my first son, my first baby. I love those pictures, how fond that memory is to me.

 I don't know how long Christopher stayed in the room with us, but I do remember someone coming to ask if we were ready for him to be taken out. I don't remember my goodbye. (I think I subconsciously did that to cope).  I do remember handing him over to be placed in the baby warmer, and just as if they were going to wheel him to the nursery someone came in and took him.

It's been 10 years, and I have never been this public about it though many (if not all) of my close friends know about Baby Chris.  Why is that? I guess nobody really knows how to talk about tragedy. They don't know what to say, and I don't want to make people feel strange or worried. I remember when I was more open about it, many women would look at me like shut up, don't tell me! Almost as if because I told them, they would catch the "dead baby" disease and their baby would die too. Like I had been cursed and talking to them about it would somehow rope them in. You know what though, I realized that the more open you are. The more you see everybody has their struggles, tragedies, and battles. Why not talk, listen, open up and just BE THERE. You might help heal someone.

I sit here reflecting on what really is the 10th Birthday of my very first son.  I think what would you act like, would you be close to Caleb, would you guys have been inseparable, would you be tall, funny, full of personality, quiet, shy? I won't ever know, but I do wonder.

It's been 10 hard, emotional, life changing years. So much has changed!  It has also been 10 amazing, miraculous, strong years.  The newborn photo of Christopher still hangs on my fridge. Every place I have ever had that picture is on the front of the fridge.   Maybe that is strange to some, but the other photos on my fridge are of the rest of my kids, I don't see him as any different.

I share this story today because after 10 years, instead of agonizing pain and hurt.  I am fond of that fateful day. The day I first became a mother. A mother to a baby I birthed but could not stay. I am fond of that day the way you remember the first time you look into your child's eyes.  It will forever be the day I became a mother. I never thought I would feel that way.  I am proud of that day. I am proud of how strong I was. I am proud of how weak I was too. Without that experience I wouldn't be me.    Everything about me is okay. Tragedy and all.

Happy Birthday My Sweet Angel. 8.7.04 ^i^   

Why we women can't have it all....... or can we?

Maybe you are reading this simply because you stumbled upon this, or if you are a mom.. hiding out in your "alone" time that we all know is far and few in between. I may be the first to break this news to you... Mother's can't have it all. At least not all at the same time.......

A dear friend of mine Gizell, told me years ago "We women think we can have it all." The house, career, man, car, clothes, looks. We want everything in our lives, all at the same time.  I was so naïve I had no idea how she interpreted that, but to some degree I understood that society places this idea in our heads from the time we are little girls, that WE CAN DO IT ALL, WE CAN HAVE IT ALL, ALL OF IT GOING ON, all at the same time. This idea is a fallacy. It does not really exist.
 So let me explain....

Women today are faced with the career choice that women in the 1900's did not have. Decades of women stayed home and were housewives and had no real duties outside the home.  Now, more than ever women are married to their career first, their first love is a chosen job or field. Often these jobs have many demands and responsibilities.  Due to the fact women are no longer being married at 14, like back in "old" times. In fact, in our society women are marrying later or choosing not to marry at all. Subsequently having children later and for many women these children come mid career, and even when they switch careers!

So here is why we can't have it all. It is irrational and a mental set up to think that you are going to be a domestic goddess, a career woman, a mother, a wife, PTO mom, Miss Fitness America, Food Network Chef, playdate mommy, fashion model, sex symbol,  socialite, softball coach, cheerleading coach, mayor, and gardener all at the same point in our lives... you get the idea right?  I have run into several women who feel like they SHOULD be doing it all and having it all at the very same time in their lives.

The point is, because we have been inundated with celebrities (who have help) and this YOU CAN DO IT (GIRL POWER) attitude, we end up thinking we are terrible mothers or wives when we CAN'T do it ALL at the SAME time.

 If you are a not a celebrity and a stay at home mom, chances are you are not a fashion model, shopping or spending your afternoons at Starbucks looking like you stepped off the cover of Glamour. This isn't the case of trying to limit ones potential, or telling women to stop aspiring for greater. It is more in the case of being realistic with our capabilities and cognizant of where we are in our own lives. Can you be any of those above things at any given time in your life? Absolutely! However, thinking that the juggling act can be done without something taking a hit in our lives is a set up for internal conflict and mental failure.  So here is what I offer instead.

If you are a working mother, take comfort in the fact you aren't Rachael Ray because you work many hours outside the home.  Make peace with the fact that you are going to miss some school events, and may be late running to and from various sporting/ school events. Please know you are doing an amazing job showing your children that women are valuable in the workforce and can still manage a home with a career. Acknowledge the fact you doing your best to be independent (if you are single)  or are an asset to your households financial stability, and putting your talents to use outside of your own family so others can benefit as well. Take a breath and realize you are fulfilling your own potential and chasing your dreams.  Now should you TRY to be all of the things you WANT to be.. absolutely. Yes. If you want to work 60 hours, travel for your job, lift weights/run everyday, cook, coach your child's soccer  team, sit on the PTO board, and attend music lessons, by all means please do so. Do not however get down on yourself or sour thinking you are in some sort of way a failure when things are not working out how you planned.

If you stay at home with your child, take pride in that time, because it comes and goes all too quickly. Realize that you are showing your child what it is like to have infinite patience and sacrifice to be able to deny oneself to anybody else and devote all of your time and hours to your family and home. Know that while you take on this task, you may not be the socialite, career woman, or chic and trendy fashion model that you once were. Even if you are something has to give. Things go from front burner to back burner. Appreciate the ability to be able to spend this amount of time, that women all over the globe don't have the choice, chance, or opportunity. Do not feel guilty about that either.

In all truth, I think we just need to be real with ourselves. I always thought I was fortunate to have my first two children before actually having a career. I had both children in this ((in between) time in my life. I was under employed and a recent college graduate. I did not step into a real "career" . I was just in between picking up substitute teacher jobs and waitressing. This led me the ability to be home with them both often during the day and I would fantasize about NOT going on playdates, dream of career clothes, dreaming of a teaching job, but truth is it did not make it any easier when I did secure a teaching job. I felt like I should still be able to do all the things I did when I didn't have that career. That was an unrealistic expectation,  I had to say to myself you now work 40+ hours outside the home during the day... you do not have TIME to sit down for breakfast, do your makeup, etc.  So what you should do is set your home and your mind up to make the appropriate choices, what is more important today? I gave up on wearing my hair out or wearing makeup so that I can actually enjoy my kids and not play referee for 45 minutes while I get ready. It is not that important to me!

So I do actually take a lot on my plate, but I think..  What life hack can I implement to make me reach my goal? If its a fresh hot meal, try a crockpot?  I also have made several FAILED crock pot meals, so be warned! ;-)  I recently saw two things on the internet that inspired me to post this... and here they are.
Kim Kardashian.. Has it all
Pepsi Co President Can't Have it All Either.

I post the Kim photo because I think this is the subconscious image we women have of motherhood. Maybe most of us would wear a bra!  Look closely at the picture, she's a mother, a wife (she's rocking her ring), she has no bra (there's the sex appeal), she is out during the DAY with her baby, and of course she is a "career" mom. She has clothing lines, perfume, a T.V. show. So naturally women think yes, when I have my child I will continue all of my endeavors seamlessly. It isn't just THAT EASY. 

However, we see these women who make it LOOK EASY, effortless! They are in shape, they have nice hair, excellent make up, awesome wardrobe, career, money, power (whatever it is) We think we too won't miss a beat. In fact you will miss a beat, and you might miss many beats, you might miss the whole darn song. Don't beat yourself up senselessly.

I leave you with these parting thoughts.... work-life balance is something we all need to be aware of woman or man. Equally aware of how our lives will change when we take on different roles within our home or community. Don't expect that you will be there for every moment of your child's "firsts" if you work outside the home. Be realistic with yourself. Don't expect that if you stay at home you will be able to go on fancy lunch dates while rocking Jimmy Choos (unless of course you are rich) then rock away. This fallacy of women having it all is just that. I don't care how well you perform those tasks, look the part, project the image, etc. Juggling requires rotation, rotating means there is a shift between priorities, front burner and back burner. Simple as that!

Be Encouraged........

xoxoxoxoxo

Standardized Testing................. Are we doing this right?

This morning was the very first morning I sent my son to school and he would be testing on a standardized test for days. Luckily, he was super confident, happy, and ready to rock that test. (Which I know he did because he is as bright as the brightest bulb). However, as an educator I know testing to some degree is a necessary evil. You have to measure what was taught somehow... the question isn't should we test the kids. The question is how should we ASSESS the kids?  Teaching without testing is like driving without a speedometer. My argument lies where standardized tests are not progress monitoring. Teaches test thru the year giving formative assessments. A formative assessment INFORMS instruction. It gives us feedback if the students actually understood what was taught, and then we can go back to review and focus our efforts better. A standardized test is a summative assessment, it want to know what was learned in summary. These test essentially are less useful, because given a bad day, anxiety, nerves.... One cannot really measure what was taught in 10 months in 4 or 5 days... Broken down into 400 minutes or so of testing. I think truly it can't measure everything in a fair assessment. Moreover, in these education reform days.. these types of tests can damage a child or teacher's reputation!

Many districts use the information gathered on standardized tests to generate class lists, identify children in need of Basic Skills instruction, gifted and talented education, etc. Yes, in reality they use other means as well.... portfolios, teacher commentary, and student behavior.  I guess my thought lies in where do we "Allow" room for "differences" if we are all shooting for proficient and advanced proficient. What about little Jackie who is an English Language Learner? What about little Bobby who was born premature at 20 weeks?  What about little Ashley who has a hard time testing due to anxiety and nerves?  Seriously, these situations are becoming the norm and not the exception.

Standards Based Education has left little flexibility in the spectrum of developmental differences in children. The standards are based on the cognitive development of "typical" children. Your typical child will know and be able to do X,Y,Z at the end of Grade 1,2,3,4, and 5. That's how they are written and the literacy ones are based on the stages of literacy development. The question I pose is simple, is every 4 year old the same? Is every 21 year old driving? Sure, they CAN drive at 17. However, is every 21 year old a licensed driver? NO!  There are various factors that play into our individual differences, and these tests don't account for that.  Moreover, if a certain amount of kids don't pass schools, teachers, and admins can face backlash. Is this really the right way to Assess what was learned all year?

The irony I always found in standardized testing is that all year we are told as teachers to differentiate our lessons. This means to operate your classroom giving each child the "dose" of education that is right for them. Utilizing different processes or products to teach the same skill.  Then, at the end of the year the standardized test shows up and everyone gets the same test, and same amount of time to complete it. Standardized testing is the antithesis of differentiated instruction.  Somebody tell me I am crazy?? Does that seem logical?

So while I reflect on this experience of my "typical" kid who has all the right factors in his life to aid his development and cognition, many kids fall on the outside of those lines and have a tough time facing these tests and coming out on top.  When these students fail, we blame the teacher, the principal, and maybe the school. Which makes me think it cannot possibly be the fault of the administrators or the teachers, but rather its the flaws within the system and

 method of assessment. Why aren't we differentiating and customizing the tests and assessing them on their level within their capabilities?    

Are we doing this right?

Whatever would I do.......

I don't think this would be a Mommy blog if indeed I did not do a Mother's Day post, I feel like a veteran mommy now. This is my 8th Mother's Day to now 3 incredible kids, but what would I do without reflecting on a moment before my very first day as a mother.

I remember this like yesterday, I was 20 years old. I went to return something my mom purchased to the mall with her. I was about 5 months pregnant. I asked her in the most serious tone..... Do you think I am ready to be a mother? I don't know what I was thinking asking her that. I almost wanted her to tell me no, that I was too young and that I was definitely doing this mommy thing all wrong. Maybe I wanted her to tell me a joke, because she is so good at being funny just by being herself. I don't know if I was serious or if I needed her reassurance I was doing the right thing. I will always remember the way she looked at me and said.... "You won't ever be ready, she told me I was 28 when I had you and I wasn't ready for you then and I still am not now." Puzzled she told me flat out, having a baby isn't about if you are single, married, widowed, rich, or poor. My mother explained that all those things CAN and DO change. If you base having a child around those things they can all change, she said so honestly having a baby means you are ready for your entire heart to exist outside of your body. Everything you love, care for, and cherish now has taken form, and you can't ever imagine what it feels like until you have been there.   I felt reassured that though I could be in better situations, that I would never ever really truly be ready.......

Let me just say.... she was right. I read dozens of books, I took parenting classes, I took childbirth classes. I went and was CPR/First Aid certified. I did everything I could and still I was not ready for the little boy that came bouncing my way (and the 2 that follow him).  The amount of love, energy, dedication, drive, patience, and care could not be taught or prepared for.

They have made me work harder, act smarter, strive for goals I never thought of, work 2,3,4 jobs.  I was able to finish my B.A. degree at 23 WITH a 2 year old clapping in the crowd. My journey into motherhood started when I was young, but it did not take away from my life, it gave me a new life. It gave me focus, drive, purpose, and passion. Everything I do and did is for them. I wouldn't have been able to do any of it without my family, more importantly my mother who has always helped me, supported me, and been my brag brigade. To this day she always says how proud she is of the mother I turned out to be. How conscious I am of the food, academics, activities, and lifestyle my kids live. Indeed she notices how psycho I am about only wanting the best for them.

I reflect on that moment because like many IF she answered that question any differently I don't know how that would have impacted me. Thanks for always believing in me, even when I did not believe in myself.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!!