Teacher Burn Out, well then just call me toast.
I truly have been battling with going back to work. I was even going to write about how teacher burn out is real, but then my fears just took over and I thought that was not a great idea to blog about. It just serves as how people perceive teachers as lazy bums over the summer. However, writing is meant to be real. The moment you stop being real, is when you might as well give up any idea as being authentic. This is honestly the very first summer I would rather hide in a dark closet than even think of the start of school. I have tried sorting out my feelings with friends, my fiancée, anybody who would listen. Was it the baby? Is it the EVER evolving NEW laws and changes being taken in education? Is it the fear of failure? Whatever IT is, I was just feeling "meh" about the whole start over for 2014.
I've come to the idea it could be a combination of ALL of those things that have left me feeling exhausted. I am just exhausted. Have you ever run a marathon and at the end you did not receive any water? I mean forget the trophy, forget the post marathon pictures. All you want is some water and to relax. If I could paint the picture I could say that not only did I not get my water or relaxation but I have to run another marathon in three weeks and I don't know the course, how long, or the distance I must go. I will say there is a bit of exhaustion coupled with fear of the unknown.
However, today as I was laying in bed enjoying the last few minutes of silence before the kids woke up. I was posting about how I am usually the goofy goon teacher who sets up her class terribly early, and has so much zest and zeal that it makes people just look at me as if I had 10 heads. Last year, I was 9 months pregnant setting up a room I wouldn't even be in for 3 weeks. I was there with my enlisted help (fiancée and friend) and I was walking along the furniture 35 weeks pregnant and standing on chairs so that my room could be perfect. Indeed I had lost my mind in my Back to School/Work stuff. So here I was in bed imagining me walking into work the first day with my coffee and sunglasses on so people could not see me lamenting my summer gone too soon. #Summertimesadness right?
That was until I came across multiple posts of Robin Williams, and subsequent posts regarding people being outwardly mean. One even saying something along the lines of "If he didn't care about his life, why should they?" I almost fell out of bed. There are humans who think like this? This is a joke right? Where is the compassion, empathy, love for your fellow man? I personally know so many people who have taken their own life, and it broke my heart on so many levels. We as humans can not think like this. It brought me back to one thing I read from another teacher my first year teaching. He had a sign that said "You cannot expect me to expect more from you than you expect from yourself." At that time, I didn't make much of a thought to it. It was not until later that year that I received letters of thanks from my students. I will never ever forget this one letter that I kept a copy of and it was a testimony of how much life and energy I brought into the classroom. This young woman said that not only was my class her favorite, but she hated the subject. She went on to tell how I cared so much about the topic and the kids, that I did so much more than what THEY expected of themselves that it MADE her turn around, and actually want to be involved, engaged, and learning. I was flattered, I thought I was just doing my job. No, doing my job would be to just teach the curriculum. However, I taught the curriculum, I sought outside sources for funding for books, I sought programs, I taught Saturday school, I had pizza parties, I connected with them in my own stories and life, I told them how to do sock buns, I told them where I got my love of English Literature from, and you know what I did from all of that? I made a difference. You see, I did not just teach them the curriculum. I taught them how to be a GOOD human being. I taught them what it is like to care more for someone than they do themselves. See, all of that in a few short months. When that female student left my class, she was a "C" student. When she entered she was a previous years FAILURE. Yes, she was taking that class two years in a row. See, the fact is when I read that comment about not caring for someone who didn't care enough about themselves. I whole heartedly disagree, because I am in the business of caring about kids and people who care nothing about themselves, their future, or maybe they haven't realized their potential.
You see I am an educator. My job just doesn't start and end at the curriculum and the data from the benchmarks. It isn't about the science of how to get kids to pass tests. That sounds terrible, but I care more about if my students end up being murderers than if they can score a 100% on a benchmark. I do want them to be intelligent, and able to navigate the world successfully. I want them to construct their own knowledge though through their academic experiences in my class. I chose this job because I wanted to share my love of literature with everyone, but it more so ended up to be sharing my love for humanity. In literature we glimpse into so many worlds, characters, ideas, and emotions. I want to show kids how valuable it is to comprehend and be able to articulate them, but when you are around kids everyday what do you think they need equally? Yes, character education! I might argue that within the institution, proper character education separates the achievers from the non achievers. So here it is:
I am here to give you character education, I am here to make you say sorry, I am here to make you say please, I am here to make you say excuse me, I am here to make you listen to your fellow classmates, I am here to reinforce respect for all, I am here to teach you empathy, I am here to make you understand diversity, I am here to make you understand that people all over the world are all different and they are all worthy of love, I am here to build a community of learners, I am here to make you realize that education is not about what others think and memorizing facts but learning to use your brain and ultimately think for yourself, I am here to help you even if you won't help yourself, I am here to help you succeed, I am here to watch you fail, I am here to make you try again, and again until you get it right, I am here to display commitment, I am here to showcase tenacity, I am here to be a human you can trust, I am here to be patient when you lash out, I am here to work tirelessly so you won't limit your potential, I will wake your passion alive, I will drown you in hope, and I will make you at the very least realize that beyond these four walls of my class lies a world full of people waiting to be mean, hurt, or minimize someone else. Don't join in the crowd and be that person. The world doesn't need more people like that, the world needs more people like what I am trying to teach here.
The world needs more people who are kind, loving, giving, compassionate, who can help someone realize their potential even if the person has yet to realize it.
Bottom line: The world needs more people who aren't willing to give up!
That my friends... that's exactly what I am NOT doing. I am not giving up, I have work to do. I can not let an entire group of humans grow up and pass through middle school without having someone to teach them a little more than curriculum. So with that said... I was instantly motivated aka cured from my burn out. I will be sad in September when I go back to work and miss my own kids. As well as all the books I didn't get to finish reading, I don't think I will ever finish reading my list! However I know that this life I live is full of purpose. I am not in the business of just making money, I'm making an impact on the world in small ways. When I look back on the letters, cards, posters, tweets from students to me it serves as a way to know that kids never forget how you made them *feel*.
Let's face it the world is a sick, sad, cruel place. So my classroom "motto" for this year is social media inspired theme.... #Ihaveworktodo . My class décor will be from twitter, FB, and Pinterest like ideas, posters, etc. True "pinned" ideas on bulletin boards. Facebook inspired "What's on your mind?" journal entries to be hung up around the library much like "wall paper". I can not let more humans go out into the world uneducated, but moreover simply grow up thinking it is okay to disregard and not care for their fellow man, despite the circumstances.
I'll be back in that classroom with a googly grin with all my Pinterest inspired classroom décor making sure it is "relevant" and just right for the 60+ kids I will have for the 2014-2015 school year. I'm enough of a realist to know that I won't win every child over, but I am enough of an optimist to try.
I'm still "old" so in the words of Diddy "Let's Work". I'm ready, Let's Go!
#BacktoSchool2014
No comments:
Post a Comment