Whatever would I do.......

I don't think this would be a Mommy blog if indeed I did not do a Mother's Day post, I feel like a veteran mommy now. This is my 8th Mother's Day to now 3 incredible kids, but what would I do without reflecting on a moment before my very first day as a mother.

I remember this like yesterday, I was 20 years old. I went to return something my mom purchased to the mall with her. I was about 5 months pregnant. I asked her in the most serious tone..... Do you think I am ready to be a mother? I don't know what I was thinking asking her that. I almost wanted her to tell me no, that I was too young and that I was definitely doing this mommy thing all wrong. Maybe I wanted her to tell me a joke, because she is so good at being funny just by being herself. I don't know if I was serious or if I needed her reassurance I was doing the right thing. I will always remember the way she looked at me and said.... "You won't ever be ready, she told me I was 28 when I had you and I wasn't ready for you then and I still am not now." Puzzled she told me flat out, having a baby isn't about if you are single, married, widowed, rich, or poor. My mother explained that all those things CAN and DO change. If you base having a child around those things they can all change, she said so honestly having a baby means you are ready for your entire heart to exist outside of your body. Everything you love, care for, and cherish now has taken form, and you can't ever imagine what it feels like until you have been there.   I felt reassured that though I could be in better situations, that I would never ever really truly be ready.......

Let me just say.... she was right. I read dozens of books, I took parenting classes, I took childbirth classes. I went and was CPR/First Aid certified. I did everything I could and still I was not ready for the little boy that came bouncing my way (and the 2 that follow him).  The amount of love, energy, dedication, drive, patience, and care could not be taught or prepared for.

They have made me work harder, act smarter, strive for goals I never thought of, work 2,3,4 jobs.  I was able to finish my B.A. degree at 23 WITH a 2 year old clapping in the crowd. My journey into motherhood started when I was young, but it did not take away from my life, it gave me a new life. It gave me focus, drive, purpose, and passion. Everything I do and did is for them. I wouldn't have been able to do any of it without my family, more importantly my mother who has always helped me, supported me, and been my brag brigade. To this day she always says how proud she is of the mother I turned out to be. How conscious I am of the food, academics, activities, and lifestyle my kids live. Indeed she notices how psycho I am about only wanting the best for them.

I reflect on that moment because like many IF she answered that question any differently I don't know how that would have impacted me. Thanks for always believing in me, even when I did not believe in myself.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!!