Why we women can't have it all....... or can we?

Maybe you are reading this simply because you stumbled upon this, or if you are a mom.. hiding out in your "alone" time that we all know is far and few in between. I may be the first to break this news to you... Mother's can't have it all. At least not all at the same time.......

A dear friend of mine Gizell, told me years ago "We women think we can have it all." The house, career, man, car, clothes, looks. We want everything in our lives, all at the same time.  I was so naïve I had no idea how she interpreted that, but to some degree I understood that society places this idea in our heads from the time we are little girls, that WE CAN DO IT ALL, WE CAN HAVE IT ALL, ALL OF IT GOING ON, all at the same time. This idea is a fallacy. It does not really exist.
 So let me explain....

Women today are faced with the career choice that women in the 1900's did not have. Decades of women stayed home and were housewives and had no real duties outside the home.  Now, more than ever women are married to their career first, their first love is a chosen job or field. Often these jobs have many demands and responsibilities.  Due to the fact women are no longer being married at 14, like back in "old" times. In fact, in our society women are marrying later or choosing not to marry at all. Subsequently having children later and for many women these children come mid career, and even when they switch careers!

So here is why we can't have it all. It is irrational and a mental set up to think that you are going to be a domestic goddess, a career woman, a mother, a wife, PTO mom, Miss Fitness America, Food Network Chef, playdate mommy, fashion model, sex symbol,  socialite, softball coach, cheerleading coach, mayor, and gardener all at the same point in our lives... you get the idea right?  I have run into several women who feel like they SHOULD be doing it all and having it all at the very same time in their lives.

The point is, because we have been inundated with celebrities (who have help) and this YOU CAN DO IT (GIRL POWER) attitude, we end up thinking we are terrible mothers or wives when we CAN'T do it ALL at the SAME time.

 If you are a not a celebrity and a stay at home mom, chances are you are not a fashion model, shopping or spending your afternoons at Starbucks looking like you stepped off the cover of Glamour. This isn't the case of trying to limit ones potential, or telling women to stop aspiring for greater. It is more in the case of being realistic with our capabilities and cognizant of where we are in our own lives. Can you be any of those above things at any given time in your life? Absolutely! However, thinking that the juggling act can be done without something taking a hit in our lives is a set up for internal conflict and mental failure.  So here is what I offer instead.

If you are a working mother, take comfort in the fact you aren't Rachael Ray because you work many hours outside the home.  Make peace with the fact that you are going to miss some school events, and may be late running to and from various sporting/ school events. Please know you are doing an amazing job showing your children that women are valuable in the workforce and can still manage a home with a career. Acknowledge the fact you doing your best to be independent (if you are single)  or are an asset to your households financial stability, and putting your talents to use outside of your own family so others can benefit as well. Take a breath and realize you are fulfilling your own potential and chasing your dreams.  Now should you TRY to be all of the things you WANT to be.. absolutely. Yes. If you want to work 60 hours, travel for your job, lift weights/run everyday, cook, coach your child's soccer  team, sit on the PTO board, and attend music lessons, by all means please do so. Do not however get down on yourself or sour thinking you are in some sort of way a failure when things are not working out how you planned.

If you stay at home with your child, take pride in that time, because it comes and goes all too quickly. Realize that you are showing your child what it is like to have infinite patience and sacrifice to be able to deny oneself to anybody else and devote all of your time and hours to your family and home. Know that while you take on this task, you may not be the socialite, career woman, or chic and trendy fashion model that you once were. Even if you are something has to give. Things go from front burner to back burner. Appreciate the ability to be able to spend this amount of time, that women all over the globe don't have the choice, chance, or opportunity. Do not feel guilty about that either.

In all truth, I think we just need to be real with ourselves. I always thought I was fortunate to have my first two children before actually having a career. I had both children in this ((in between) time in my life. I was under employed and a recent college graduate. I did not step into a real "career" . I was just in between picking up substitute teacher jobs and waitressing. This led me the ability to be home with them both often during the day and I would fantasize about NOT going on playdates, dream of career clothes, dreaming of a teaching job, but truth is it did not make it any easier when I did secure a teaching job. I felt like I should still be able to do all the things I did when I didn't have that career. That was an unrealistic expectation,  I had to say to myself you now work 40+ hours outside the home during the day... you do not have TIME to sit down for breakfast, do your makeup, etc.  So what you should do is set your home and your mind up to make the appropriate choices, what is more important today? I gave up on wearing my hair out or wearing makeup so that I can actually enjoy my kids and not play referee for 45 minutes while I get ready. It is not that important to me!

So I do actually take a lot on my plate, but I think..  What life hack can I implement to make me reach my goal? If its a fresh hot meal, try a crockpot?  I also have made several FAILED crock pot meals, so be warned! ;-)  I recently saw two things on the internet that inspired me to post this... and here they are.
Kim Kardashian.. Has it all
Pepsi Co President Can't Have it All Either.

I post the Kim photo because I think this is the subconscious image we women have of motherhood. Maybe most of us would wear a bra!  Look closely at the picture, she's a mother, a wife (she's rocking her ring), she has no bra (there's the sex appeal), she is out during the DAY with her baby, and of course she is a "career" mom. She has clothing lines, perfume, a T.V. show. So naturally women think yes, when I have my child I will continue all of my endeavors seamlessly. It isn't just THAT EASY. 

However, we see these women who make it LOOK EASY, effortless! They are in shape, they have nice hair, excellent make up, awesome wardrobe, career, money, power (whatever it is) We think we too won't miss a beat. In fact you will miss a beat, and you might miss many beats, you might miss the whole darn song. Don't beat yourself up senselessly.

I leave you with these parting thoughts.... work-life balance is something we all need to be aware of woman or man. Equally aware of how our lives will change when we take on different roles within our home or community. Don't expect that you will be there for every moment of your child's "firsts" if you work outside the home. Be realistic with yourself. Don't expect that if you stay at home you will be able to go on fancy lunch dates while rocking Jimmy Choos (unless of course you are rich) then rock away. This fallacy of women having it all is just that. I don't care how well you perform those tasks, look the part, project the image, etc. Juggling requires rotation, rotating means there is a shift between priorities, front burner and back burner. Simple as that!

Be Encouraged........

xoxoxoxoxo