Can we all agree on one thing?

Listen guys, It has been awhile but while I am in the midst of new motherhood again. I am also in the midst of almost killing the next person that offers their unsolicited advice or tries to "one up", and get  "judgy"with me. Can we all agree on one thing? Nobody cares what you do/did with your kids. I say that with as much love and compassion as I can. I don't play Mommy Wars. As a "veteran" or more like warrior mom of 4 kids. For the second time in 11 years I was faced with staying home an extended amount of time with some serious hurdles to clear. it was getting scary for me.  By the way, I would rather light myself on fire then spend months or.years on end at home with no outlet of my own. (Go ahead judge me)  I start to feel like the woman from Charlotte Perkins Gilman's story "The Yellow Wallpaper" when I am home. ( You're Welcome, now you have yourself a new read) let's just say  I now understand why women fought for the right to work.

Yet it is true, there is so much more to ME as a woman then just being a wife and mother 24/7 365. I am sorry I am not sorry. Sitting home as time passed just cleaning, cooking, and changing diapers started to have me very jaded. Almost feeling like "Did I miss the part when this gets to the dream of what people claim they love about it?" "Cause uhhh I need to get dressed and not argue with my 3 year old at least a few hours out of the day"
  I did this baby stint another time just to be sure. I absolutely love and adore my kids but I am a much better mother when I work. I actually thrive on structure and crave my own space. So with that said, while each mother is different. Each mother and family presents different strengths and abilities.  So who are you to  judge them? I can also tell you right now each and every child is different with unique strengths and abilities. I have four kids as different as night and day. While parented relatively the same. So please save me your mommy wars in order to stroke your own ego so you can feel better at night about your own choices.

As my friend Yetunde says" I don't care much if you feed your child fertilizer". I also seriously don't care if you feed your kid formula and they go to daycare.  Chances are I won't even ask, because it is no business of mine. No judgement, because you are doing whats best for YOU, and likely what makes your life work. Please don't talk down to, "one up", or throw someone else under the bus that chooses not to do those things. 

 I would never say to someone "Those kids in daycare are  abused, dirty, and sick all the time." on the flip  "Those who have individual babysitters or nanny's are spoiled or less socialized". "Those who formula feed are lazy" "Those kids that stay home with their moms are coddled, sheltered, and are monsters!"  In contrast to all the stereotypes and generalizations, my third child is more socialized than my first two kids were and they attended a childcare center much longer than he ever did. He defies all "stereotypes". Yet, he was the most precocious of them all!!!  He also had formula from month 4 and he ended up hitting most of his developmental milestones before his other siblings. Yup, meanwhile my son is a perfectionist and my daughter is a creative outside the box soul in gifted and talented. This goes to show children are all different. So, lets agree on one thing here.  STOP with the generalizations, STOP judging. SAVE your mommy wars. Open your mind a bit to differences. Parent the way YOU need to parent and stay in your own lane.

There's a kid somewhere right now who was abandoned as a child with an above average IQ and an advanced college degree out here saving the world.