Why I'm Not A SAHM

You know I always find it funny amongst the "Mommy Wars" the assumptions that are made when a woman "decides" that working AND having her career is what she wants to do instead of not going back to work or continuing her work endeavors.   I never understood why people ask "Are you going back to work?" As if raising a child/children was impossible unless you stopped and put a halt to all your endeavors. Why don't people say to men, "Why did you return to work?" Better yet, "You must hate leaving your wife and kids to go to work?" Nobody ever asks a dad that, yet in the stereotypical gender role WOMEN ASK WOMEN that all the time.  It puzzles me to no end. I thought the whole progressive woman's rights movements was so that we could have those choices, yet when women choose that they are asked.... WHY?! Truth be told....I wanted to find a stay at home FATHER for the longest! Not to "effeminate" him, but to allow me to conquer MY DREAMS AND ASPIRATONS and not worry about having to jump so many hurdles to do it. I say and do believe a woman IS and CAN be just as good of a provider as a man.  I also believe a man can be just as good of a nurturer as a woman. I guess you can call me a feminist. I don't care which label you choose to slap on it.

 Why must we WOMEN play into gender stereotypes all the time? Someone said to me today "Oh, you must hate leaving that face!" In the back of my mind, I didn't know how to respond. Of course, I miss my  adorable children when I am working, but for heaven sakes I don't HATE to leave.  I realize they said that without much thought, but it prompted more thought from me. It was more of a compliment to how cute my baby was. I realize that, but I actually had to think.....In reality I like leaving.  I work 6.5 hours a day for 180 days a year. While my job is a lot of stress and paper work to juggle; I work half the days in the year. 180/352 COME ON! Some folks work 6-7 days a week all year. I feel blessed I CAN have a career that empowers me and I also believe by me working they learn so much from me "leaving". My oldest two are elementary school age and are in school the same hours I work, which works out well because they also have obligations.  Subconsciously, they learn how to work and play with others outside of our family, learn how to form healthy relationships without relying on me all the time, they learn it is okay to pursue your own life or have goals while still having the ability to care for your family. They learn that Dad's can do pick up/drop off/ and dinner.  There are many ways to do many things for many families. In other words I like showing them there are more than a few ways to "skin a cat".  I could go on and on since there are many reasons, but mainly I think it is healthy for ME on many different levels.  All of anything for me is not good.  I spent a significant amount of time learning myself. I am a person of balance. I go crazy with the all or nothing lifestyle.

It was when I spent such a long time being unemployed or underemployed with my first two kids that I dreamt of the day I had my  "career job".  I remember walking by in yoga pants looking at Jimmy Choo heels and thinking, "one day". I wanted to dress up and have my own niche outside of my home, studies, and my kids.  I worked hard for 7 years and spent so many thousands of dollars on an education to be productive in a field of MY choice.  Every year that I work in that career I build a resume that makes me more attractive in that field of choice for more opportunity. It also means not taking time off  or away from a career I worked so hard for  that I won't live in fear that I will be subject to the dreaded "age discrimination" and "practice gap".  Many of my colleagues warned me of the idea that when theory evolves and practice changes year to year  and you were absent from the field you are "missing from professional development and relevant content knowledge" and thus no employer wants YOU over the fresh new student teacher or rookie out of school. I also think it is important when I retire I can collect a bigger benefit for our senior years together providing much more financial security for our kids lives such as college and weddings. That means that working for ME is me reaping the benefits of all those years I put in that investment. It also means I provide myself and my children the freedom and ability to "get ahead". It means not relying on one income solely allows me the freedom and peace of mind that what I bring to the table helps my family do things I used to only dream about, like buying a bigger car, a bigger house, and paying off debt.

Freedom of choice...thats just it.  I'm not a SAHM for many reasons, but mainly because I have the freedom to work and earn my own money. I enjoy my freedom.  I don't see why I have to pass all of that up just because I had a child. In many families they do what works for them, they have that freedom to make the choice that best fits their lifestyle, personality, and ideologies.  I just think we as a society need to embrace that idea more.  Simply because one day I don't want to be out with my kids and not get strange/dirty looks when I tell people I love my career and I like working.