This post is inspired from the recent Christmas gift my 9 year old received from this grandmother. This morning my fiancée told me that he wants to "hold off" on the technological devices for awhile with our youngest son. Now, immediately I already know he felt this way for some time now...... as we both discussed these things for awhile. My immediate reaction was not to take offense, but to explain to him why he should have an open mind. I want to call attention to something, when I had my first child I ran through a list of things I WOULD NEVER EVER DO. I remember my mom chuckling at me heartily. She then told me in her most sincerest voice, I am sure your ideologies will evolve if you "just live a little". I was in full belief that MY children would NEVER watch TV, or play video games. I felt as though it created aloof zombies exposed to too much violence and sexual content. I blew her off, knowing that I would cling to my ideologies. I wasn't going to change or let up. You know what, though? Mama was right. Mama lived long enough and had two kids to know that she too evolved. After awhile, everything changes. Nothing stays the same.
The last 13 years of my life I have worked with kids, had my own kids, and lived with kids from working as a daycare assistant, Nanny, Head Teacher, Preschool Teacher, Kindergarten Assistant Teacher, High School Teacher, and Middle School Teacher and because I have lived more experience with children I have learned that TV doesn't single handedly expose children to be unintelligible zombies. It DOES have the potential to, but that is why you PARENT your children. You choose what shows they watch, when, and what they are exposed to. As they grow up they have no desire to watch things they know are "not for them". They already have a "core" if you will. If you are not going to do that, then yes I would say it is best to just avoid TV all together.
From his text this morning, I could discern that my fiancée already has in his mind that being a "child" means you don't call and text people from your ipod. Perhaps maybe not owning one at all.
However, have you seen how the world and EVERYTHING has been redefined each and every generation? When I was a child his age I had a Tamagotchi "digital" pet and a Super Nintendo. Two things my PARENTS did not even have. I had dolls that talked and walked. My parents defined childhood for their generation by playing outside jumping rope and playing tag. My generation defines childhood as Nintendo, Sega Genesis, Baby Alive, AOL, AIM, Trolls, Beanie Babies, Tamagotchi, Pogs, Slap Bands, and yes STILL playing outside and riding bikes.
Childhood definitions change from generation to generation. Technology and toys alike have merged and evolved and for lack of a better comparison My Tamagotchi IS his version of an Ipod. They don't make Tamagotchi toys anymore, therefore this ipod all in one device where you can listen , download music, Facetime, play with apps that have animals, games, internet, etc. is encompassing to what "we had" in 1995.
We used to have 10 toys that did that, (I did have the internet in my house at 10) Can we say....Dial up?? In comparison, texting is the new age form of AOL instant messenger. Point is, sometimes we have to think about how much our world has evolved and how we either change with it or get left in the dust. A few years ago, I would have said no to this type of technology in his hands. However, I truly believe that growth comes in many forms, you can't fight the power of "what is occurring" with youth and technology. So for that reason, I can accept it and teach them how to use it correctly. Or I can avoid it all together by making blanket statements such as "ipods kill childhood".
As a parent, you need to teach your kids acceptable use of many things, which is also a teachable moment. The idea is not to deprive kids but to teach them how to use things that can be "dangerous" appropriately so that when they do get their hands on it, they aren't using it to "bully" or for "pornographic sites". I won't make each and every potentially dangerous thing taboo or off the table because eventually when they do get to it (computer, alcohol, driving) They will use it like a typical moron because nobody has had the discussion or the ability to coach them doing it correctly.
See, making technology commonplace meant I already went over the sharing of his password, what music he CAN listen to, and who he CAN text/Facetime with.
As opposed to keeping it out of his hands until he is 16/17 like this was some bad invention that he would have the power to really hide any and all reckless use on it then. I suppose I go about parenting all in moderation. Too much of anything all the time is a bad look. Whether you are 2 or 92.
In the same ideology that Burgers don't make people fat. People who eat burgers everyday of their life make themselves fat. Ipods don't take the childhood innocence away from a child. Parents who let their kids use technology irresponsibly without teaching right and wrong take their childhood innocence from their child. I am proud to say we went to the eye doctor yesterday and while in the exam room waiting he was playing a Fruit Ninja or Santa Ninja game on the ipod but soon as someone knocked on the door, he rolled it up and PUT IT AWAY. Two snaps for Caleb!! That was because we already had the discussion about when it is appropriate to use it. That showed me he listened and respected what I said. I did not have to reprimand him for it.
Then there is the teacher side of me, PARCC. Yeah I said it, children as young as 9 are being asked to sit 10.5 hours to take an assessment on a computer. That requires quite a bit of technological proficiency. Okay, it requires a hell of a lot of typing, opening tabs, reading on a screen, scrolling, closing tabs, and of course simply knowing how to manage themselves on a technological device. Now I know many folks think an ipod, ipad, phone, xbox wont help my child on the PARCC. Let's go farther... It won't hurt! Getting my students used to reading on screen is the hardest, right under them typing or KNOWING the keyboard! My 6th graders have no idea where the underscore on the keyboard was. I wanted to fall to the floor in tears! Are they really going to utilize these computer based assessments to evaluate teachers and schools? This is a whole separate host of skills that will affect what they are able to produce on the assessment.
The texting keyboard on apple devices is a QWERTY keyboard. On these technological devices they can also download books, and read on screen aiding the ability to learn to read left and right while simultaneously having to scroll up and down. This is a skill many adults don't even realize is a skill. A skill that needs to be practiced before one can actually read and comprehend. Think rubbing belly and patting head at the same time.
I get emails from his teacher about how to increase technological proficiency in 4th grades. Many of these "tips" are having your child type notes, read on screen, and play games on devices. Can you imagine this; my evaluation will be tied to test scores of kids taking tests on a computer that they have no idea how to use. (INSERT SCREAM HERE)
It wasn't until just this last year that in grad school I did a 21 page action research proposal on Technological Proficiency in Special Populations. You see what we once referenced as "The Achievement Gap" between minorities in urban areas is now also showing "The Digital Divide". Let's just call this the "Have and Have Nots". Children who have technology, higher SES, and parents that are educated perform better and they always have. Children who have not had the above have typically performed worse. Educators such as myself are being taught in graduate school now how to not just teach LITERACY, but digital literacy. Imagine my surprise, as I sign myself up for a Masters in Education for reading and literacy and I am in classes for teaching digital literacy. Why? My title as a Reading Specialist just doesn't rely on me being able to have skills and strategies to utilize books, but to realize that this child may have a digital literacy problem, and thus have skills and strategies to help and aid that need. So that they too can be successful. Once upon a time Reading Specialist were only used as support for/with books, just like Once upon a time the library was called a library now it is a Library Media Center; full of technology to utilize.
I can even say that the "reform" and push in teaching is using technology. I will never have an evaluation where I am not using technology. It falls under a Danielson Domain. In all honesty, How can I teach 21st century learners using chalk? The way I learned, is not reflective of the world they live in, the way they learn, nor need to learn. It is the equivalent to training an operator using a switchboard. It is not 1888 or 1975, we have automatic switching. We don't use that anymore! Just in that sense that job does not exist because we have a new way of doing it with technology.
I would not be able to sleep at night knowing my technological skills were not up to par to teach a generation of kids who will need to rely on their technological skill to obtain a job or career of choice. Just last month students in my school had a video chat with Senator Corey Booker. I did not do that as a child! I was so happy for them. In the same breath, I use formative assessments from websites such as Socratic and poll everywhere in my class where students can respond using any type of technological device. So in my classroom and my home.... I say bring on the ipods, ipads, Macbooks, chromebooks, Apple TVs, because I promise you in ten years they will be teaching coding in schools and probably requiring students to bring their own devices. These online assessments are not disappearing, jobs are not going back to manual "paper and pen". The only way I think I can prepare my kids for their world is to move with the times. I go to trainings that are BYOD, so I already realize this is a movement that is not going away. It is going to get more complicated before it gets less. I could kick and scream for my students sake, I could cry for my evaluation sake, and my fiancée could not change his mind about kids, childhood, and technology, but the whole wide world is changing.
Due to the fact I admit that, I am not ashamed to say "YES, my 9 year old has an ipod". My 6 year old has a tablet, and I am almost certain it will advance them in a myriad of ways and not be a detriment because beyond all this technology is one informed and educated Mama.
Here is a fun video for you too :-) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUMf7FWGdCw
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Friday, December 26, 2014
Why I'm Not A SAHM
You know I always find it funny amongst the "Mommy Wars" the assumptions that are made when a woman "decides" that working AND having her career is what she wants to do instead of not going back to work or continuing her work endeavors. I never understood why people ask "Are you going back to work?" As if raising a child/children was impossible unless you stopped and put a halt to all your endeavors. Why don't people say to men, "Why did you return to work?" Better yet, "You must hate leaving your wife and kids to go to work?" Nobody ever asks a dad that, yet in the stereotypical gender role WOMEN ASK WOMEN that all the time. It puzzles me to no end. I thought the whole progressive woman's rights movements was so that we could have those choices, yet when women choose that they are asked.... WHY?! Truth be told....I wanted to find a stay at home FATHER for the longest! Not to "effeminate" him, but to allow me to conquer MY DREAMS AND ASPIRATONS and not worry about having to jump so many hurdles to do it. I say and do believe a woman IS and CAN be just as good of a provider as a man. I also believe a man can be just as good of a nurturer as a woman. I guess you can call me a feminist. I don't care which label you choose to slap on it.
Why must we WOMEN play into gender stereotypes all the time? Someone said to me today "Oh, you must hate leaving that face!" In the back of my mind, I didn't know how to respond. Of course, I miss my adorable children when I am working, but for heaven sakes I don't HATE to leave. I realize they said that without much thought, but it prompted more thought from me. It was more of a compliment to how cute my baby was. I realize that, but I actually had to think.....In reality I like leaving. I work 6.5 hours a day for 180 days a year. While my job is a lot of stress and paper work to juggle; I work half the days in the year. 180/352 COME ON! Some folks work 6-7 days a week all year. I feel blessed I CAN have a career that empowers me and I also believe by me working they learn so much from me "leaving". My oldest two are elementary school age and are in school the same hours I work, which works out well because they also have obligations. Subconsciously, they learn how to work and play with others outside of our family, learn how to form healthy relationships without relying on me all the time, they learn it is okay to pursue your own life or have goals while still having the ability to care for your family. They learn that Dad's can do pick up/drop off/ and dinner. There are many ways to do many things for many families. In other words I like showing them there are more than a few ways to "skin a cat". I could go on and on since there are many reasons, but mainly I think it is healthy for ME on many different levels. All of anything for me is not good. I spent a significant amount of time learning myself. I am a person of balance. I go crazy with the all or nothing lifestyle.
It was when I spent such a long time being unemployed or underemployed with my first two kids that I dreamt of the day I had my "career job". I remember walking by in yoga pants looking at Jimmy Choo heels and thinking, "one day". I wanted to dress up and have my own niche outside of my home, studies, and my kids. I worked hard for 7 years and spent so many thousands of dollars on an education to be productive in a field of MY choice. Every year that I work in that career I build a resume that makes me more attractive in that field of choice for more opportunity. It also means not taking time off or away from a career I worked so hard for that I won't live in fear that I will be subject to the dreaded "age discrimination" and "practice gap". Many of my colleagues warned me of the idea that when theory evolves and practice changes year to year and you were absent from the field you are "missing from professional development and relevant content knowledge" and thus no employer wants YOU over the fresh new student teacher or rookie out of school. I also think it is important when I retire I can collect a bigger benefit for our senior years together providing much more financial security for our kids lives such as college and weddings. That means that working for ME is me reaping the benefits of all those years I put in that investment. It also means I provide myself and my children the freedom and ability to "get ahead". It means not relying on one income solely allows me the freedom and peace of mind that what I bring to the table helps my family do things I used to only dream about, like buying a bigger car, a bigger house, and paying off debt.
Freedom of choice...thats just it. I'm not a SAHM for many reasons, but mainly because I have the freedom to work and earn my own money. I enjoy my freedom. I don't see why I have to pass all of that up just because I had a child. In many families they do what works for them, they have that freedom to make the choice that best fits their lifestyle, personality, and ideologies. I just think we as a society need to embrace that idea more. Simply because one day I don't want to be out with my kids and not get strange/dirty looks when I tell people I love my career and I like working.
Why must we WOMEN play into gender stereotypes all the time? Someone said to me today "Oh, you must hate leaving that face!" In the back of my mind, I didn't know how to respond. Of course, I miss my adorable children when I am working, but for heaven sakes I don't HATE to leave. I realize they said that without much thought, but it prompted more thought from me. It was more of a compliment to how cute my baby was. I realize that, but I actually had to think.....In reality I like leaving. I work 6.5 hours a day for 180 days a year. While my job is a lot of stress and paper work to juggle; I work half the days in the year. 180/352 COME ON! Some folks work 6-7 days a week all year. I feel blessed I CAN have a career that empowers me and I also believe by me working they learn so much from me "leaving". My oldest two are elementary school age and are in school the same hours I work, which works out well because they also have obligations. Subconsciously, they learn how to work and play with others outside of our family, learn how to form healthy relationships without relying on me all the time, they learn it is okay to pursue your own life or have goals while still having the ability to care for your family. They learn that Dad's can do pick up/drop off/ and dinner. There are many ways to do many things for many families. In other words I like showing them there are more than a few ways to "skin a cat". I could go on and on since there are many reasons, but mainly I think it is healthy for ME on many different levels. All of anything for me is not good. I spent a significant amount of time learning myself. I am a person of balance. I go crazy with the all or nothing lifestyle.
It was when I spent such a long time being unemployed or underemployed with my first two kids that I dreamt of the day I had my "career job". I remember walking by in yoga pants looking at Jimmy Choo heels and thinking, "one day". I wanted to dress up and have my own niche outside of my home, studies, and my kids. I worked hard for 7 years and spent so many thousands of dollars on an education to be productive in a field of MY choice. Every year that I work in that career I build a resume that makes me more attractive in that field of choice for more opportunity. It also means not taking time off or away from a career I worked so hard for that I won't live in fear that I will be subject to the dreaded "age discrimination" and "practice gap". Many of my colleagues warned me of the idea that when theory evolves and practice changes year to year and you were absent from the field you are "missing from professional development and relevant content knowledge" and thus no employer wants YOU over the fresh new student teacher or rookie out of school. I also think it is important when I retire I can collect a bigger benefit for our senior years together providing much more financial security for our kids lives such as college and weddings. That means that working for ME is me reaping the benefits of all those years I put in that investment. It also means I provide myself and my children the freedom and ability to "get ahead". It means not relying on one income solely allows me the freedom and peace of mind that what I bring to the table helps my family do things I used to only dream about, like buying a bigger car, a bigger house, and paying off debt.
Freedom of choice...thats just it. I'm not a SAHM for many reasons, but mainly because I have the freedom to work and earn my own money. I enjoy my freedom. I don't see why I have to pass all of that up just because I had a child. In many families they do what works for them, they have that freedom to make the choice that best fits their lifestyle, personality, and ideologies. I just think we as a society need to embrace that idea more. Simply because one day I don't want to be out with my kids and not get strange/dirty looks when I tell people I love my career and I like working.
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
An Open Letter to My Daughter
The moment I found out you were a girl (though I had my intuition all along), I knew you were going to be a special one. That isn't to say your brothers rank less than you, but you have something that oozes out of you as a female that is not only rare, but amazing to watch.
While I remember my dear friend Jenna asking me at that moment, "Will she be as crazy as us?" Oh, I knew any female born with my genetics was going to be a force to deal with. Sugar and Spice and everything nice right? Wrong! Spark and Spunk and everything wild. At just 6 years old, I see more personality in you than I see in many grown women my age. For that, I write you this letter.
At just 6 years old your favorite things include adventure, speed, fighting, strength (your favorite pose flexing your muscles), and "beating" your opponent. Your range of activities go from zero to 100. It has occurred to me that you are just one big ball of spark, fun, and excitement or as others put it "good luck when she is a teenager". Strong willed you are, but I never want you to lose it. Unconventional you are, but that is not to be confused with "weird" or "irregular". You my darling are just different in a way that will only inspire others to question why they have been living inside their shell, box, or why they aren't daring to be different themselves. You bring out the best in all those lucky to be around you.
While you love to care for animals, perform, and draw pictures. I see from that you possess this natural talent of being confident, self-aware, and true to your own desires. It is probably something you never even realize or notice, because it is just who you are. You have this "Je Nais Se Quoi" about you that makes you atypical like a Mac in a room full of PC's. You have managed to be yourself and stand out in a world that is dying to make you fit in. My girl you take Boss lady to a whole different level.
When I went to pick you up last week you built a house that was standing alone out of marshmallows and not one other single child in the class managed to even connect their marshmallows to make them stand to do anything. Maybe it was all the Lego's you played with as a tot with your brother. Maybe it is because you have a knack for working with your hands. Maybe you are meant to be an architect or builder. Those moments and many others show me that your out of the box connection and creativity is really amazing. I never want you to lose it. In some literary comparison you remind me of Juliet from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. My favorite line from that play is when Juliet says to her mother, "Tis an honor I dream not of." When discussing marriage, she was only 13 and was so self assured that she was fine with turning down the idea of marriage. In a time when women ONLY aspired for marriage, she was confident and secure enough to decide, that marriage was not the honor she wanted. That reminds me of you, so confident and secure you do what makes you happy and not what society has deemed makes everyone else happy.
While 100 other girls are drooling for Disney Princesses and ballet bags there is 1 Mailee dressed in a spy suit dying to be a ninja. I see you following your hearts desires no matter what. Perhaps a traveling artist, a veterinarian, a corporate CEO, or maybe even an architect. Your confidence exudes from rocking a fearless "faux hawk" for crazy hair day, breakdancing to "Little Sally Walker", playing Ninja Turtles with the boys, dying to beat the pants off Caleb in Madden, being Sonic the Hedgehog for Halloween, correcting others when they are wrong, or torturing your brother as you "doctor" him. I see it now girls envy you as they simultaneously giggle and cheer you on, and the boys are so intrigued by your type they pick you first on their team (knowing you will do what it takes to win).
I hope you continue to breakdance when it calls for a sweet skip, I hope you catch the ball and throw it back to the boys when they think you will toss it sweetly, I hope you turn down the big frilly prom dress for a sleek modern bodysuit, I hope you continue to defy the expectations and roles for your gender because you're a diamond in the rough. Beware that conformity is what people will try to push on you from here on out.
Above all, I hope you know you make me proud beyond your 6 years. I want you to know that before I had a daughter I could only dream about a fictional character as my favorite heroine, now I wake up to her everyday. <3
While I remember my dear friend Jenna asking me at that moment, "Will she be as crazy as us?" Oh, I knew any female born with my genetics was going to be a force to deal with. Sugar and Spice and everything nice right? Wrong! Spark and Spunk and everything wild. At just 6 years old, I see more personality in you than I see in many grown women my age. For that, I write you this letter.
At just 6 years old your favorite things include adventure, speed, fighting, strength (your favorite pose flexing your muscles), and "beating" your opponent. Your range of activities go from zero to 100. It has occurred to me that you are just one big ball of spark, fun, and excitement or as others put it "good luck when she is a teenager". Strong willed you are, but I never want you to lose it. Unconventional you are, but that is not to be confused with "weird" or "irregular". You my darling are just different in a way that will only inspire others to question why they have been living inside their shell, box, or why they aren't daring to be different themselves. You bring out the best in all those lucky to be around you.
While you love to care for animals, perform, and draw pictures. I see from that you possess this natural talent of being confident, self-aware, and true to your own desires. It is probably something you never even realize or notice, because it is just who you are. You have this "Je Nais Se Quoi" about you that makes you atypical like a Mac in a room full of PC's. You have managed to be yourself and stand out in a world that is dying to make you fit in. My girl you take Boss lady to a whole different level.
When I went to pick you up last week you built a house that was standing alone out of marshmallows and not one other single child in the class managed to even connect their marshmallows to make them stand to do anything. Maybe it was all the Lego's you played with as a tot with your brother. Maybe it is because you have a knack for working with your hands. Maybe you are meant to be an architect or builder. Those moments and many others show me that your out of the box connection and creativity is really amazing. I never want you to lose it. In some literary comparison you remind me of Juliet from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. My favorite line from that play is when Juliet says to her mother, "Tis an honor I dream not of." When discussing marriage, she was only 13 and was so self assured that she was fine with turning down the idea of marriage. In a time when women ONLY aspired for marriage, she was confident and secure enough to decide, that marriage was not the honor she wanted. That reminds me of you, so confident and secure you do what makes you happy and not what society has deemed makes everyone else happy.
While 100 other girls are drooling for Disney Princesses and ballet bags there is 1 Mailee dressed in a spy suit dying to be a ninja. I see you following your hearts desires no matter what. Perhaps a traveling artist, a veterinarian, a corporate CEO, or maybe even an architect. Your confidence exudes from rocking a fearless "faux hawk" for crazy hair day, breakdancing to "Little Sally Walker", playing Ninja Turtles with the boys, dying to beat the pants off Caleb in Madden, being Sonic the Hedgehog for Halloween, correcting others when they are wrong, or torturing your brother as you "doctor" him. I see it now girls envy you as they simultaneously giggle and cheer you on, and the boys are so intrigued by your type they pick you first on their team (knowing you will do what it takes to win).
I hope you continue to breakdance when it calls for a sweet skip, I hope you catch the ball and throw it back to the boys when they think you will toss it sweetly, I hope you turn down the big frilly prom dress for a sleek modern bodysuit, I hope you continue to defy the expectations and roles for your gender because you're a diamond in the rough. Beware that conformity is what people will try to push on you from here on out.
Above all, I hope you know you make me proud beyond your 6 years. I want you to know that before I had a daughter I could only dream about a fictional character as my favorite heroine, now I wake up to her everyday. <3
her·o·ine
ˈherəwən/
noun
noun: heroine; plural noun: heroines
- a female admired or idealized for her courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.
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